How to Find your Life Purpose

How to Find your Life Purpose

1. Eliminate everything unnecessary in your life. This may include gossip, mindless TV or other entertainment, clutter, even junk food and other bad habits. The appeal of these things is that they distract us from doing the hard work we need to do and asking the hard questions that we need to ask ourselves.

Tip: Do this little by little but make small changes that you make stick.

2. Discover Your Authentic Self. Most of us do not realize how many of our choices are made in an effort to please others. Sometimes this may mean we make choices in order to please one particular person and sometimes it may mean pleasing our entire culture as a whole. We may find ourselves doing things that diminish our happiness or sense of fulfillment in life, just in the pursuit of being “normal” or being accepted.

Tip: This doesn’t mean you have to immediately dump your friends or people who are important to you. Certain people may drift away on their own while other relationships will deepen. Deep down no one wants a relationship with someone who has repressed who they really are in order to please. In fact those are the very relationships that often go wrong and cause us intense pain when they do. We all do this in big ways and subtle ways, and the trick is simply realizing when we are doing it so that we can examine it and change.

3. Clear your Mind. Go for a walk, or a run, preferably in nature. Do yoga. Mediate. Or just sit and spend time your dog or cat. Find any activity that really works to clear your mind. Most of them take a little bit of practice so we can go beyond thinking about how to do them, to achieving clear minds through them.

Tip: The discovery you will need to make through this is that thoughts are overrated, and you can never think your way to your life purpose. The thoughts are not who you are, but rather the still space between those thoughts is the true you. You can be told this but it sound silly because it means nothing unless you experience it yourself. Ironically when we realize this and honor it and learn to make space, the answers we seek will come. After we become ok with not knowing, we can finally know.

4. Act. By now if you have gone into steps one through three and have done them thoroughly you will probably feel fulfilled and at peace. You no longer feel the NEED to have a life purpose. This is key because we can never find our calling when we are coming from a place of lack or needing to get somewhere or make something happen. You can even stop here if you like. Maybe your life purpose is to simply do nothing. Would you be ok with that? Or you may act and do wonderful things in this world.

Tip: Many of us have lives that are dynamic and ever changing in ways we could never have predicted. Finding your life purpose is not an end all be all. Continue to be open and have a clear mind and you’ll receive the extra bonus of naturally being able to embrace change as it comes.

Disclaimer: I wish it were as easy and straightforward as I have written out here. Unfortunately it’s usually messy and involves a lot of stalling and relapsing, and wild goose chasing. But that’s just because we are human. It’s ok. :)  

Prioritize Happiness

How often have you made decisions based on what you are expected to do rather than what would truly make you happy, or even what feels right to you? Of course many of our better decisions prioritize long term happiness over short lived happiness. We don't eat the second piece of cake because the pleasure doesn't outweigh the guilt or upset stomach that comes immediately after the last bite is eaten. We don't scream expletives at our boss when we get treated unfairly because we would get fired. But what about bigger, even life changing decisions? Do we make these based on what would truly make us happy and fulfilled? Or do we make them based on the expectations of others, or even our own expectation that to be happy we have to maintain a certain income level, or appear a certain way?

One of the best things you can do is realize the difference between what you falsely assume will make you happy and what does. Advertising is the art of making someone believe that a product they don't need will make them happy. In our world we are bombarded with ads that tell us nice cars and nice clothes will make us happy, that certain credit card companies and banks are our trusted friends. We are very seldom told that debt and materialism breaks up families and destroys lives on a daily basis. What corporation could we get to sponsor that message?

On social media we see people as they want to be seen. We see vacation photos from that friend who has enough money and vacation time to go to some beautiful exotic spot but we don't hear about the food poisoning incident that happened on the same trip. We see adorable pictures of toddlers but don't hear about how that same kid is going through a biting phase. Even most of the people we see everyday show us the side of them that they want us to see. We don't have a clear view of what other people's lives are like, and we have no idea what happiness really looks like for them or us. We see other's excitement with getting thing, achieving things and doing things and mistake it for happiness. We think if we can get, achieve, do the same things we will be happy when they could be the furthest thing from what we really want.

Most of us are too busy to really get to know ourselves and don't take the time to figure out what will make us happy. We are too preoccupied working towards the things or waiting for the things that we have wrongly assumed will make us happy. So take some time just to be. Differentiate between societal pressures, cultural conditioning and what you are actually called to do.

Another frequent mistake we make is thinking that it is only our own happiness that matters. If you aren't treating everyone... and I'll even go so far as to say everything, with love you are sabotaging your own happiness. Sometimes it is impossible for us to do at the time. If that is the case, it is enough just to realize that your own unhappiness is caused by your lack of love in a situation, even if you can't find it in yourself to forgive or let go of frustration at that moment. Almost all problems in the world are created when someone puts their own happiness over someone else's. We can see this easily when others are guilty of this but not as easily when it's ourselves.

This doesn't mean we should be martyrs or that we should never end up disappointing other people. It just means that acting selfishly will always turn out the same way as eating the second piece of cake. It always sounds cliches or corny when you hear that we are all in this together but it's one of the most difficult and most important truths to completely realize. This computer I'm typing on took the contribution, work and intelligence of thousands of people dead and alive, to create. That includes Bill Gates and all the underpaid workers who mined the raw materials for it.  Most of us learned at an early age that what goes around comes around, sometimes immediately and other times years down the road. The idea that someone got rewarded for bad behavior or got away with something is the same kind of illusion as the perfect lives we see on Facebook.

For myself I know that the harder I try to be happy the more unhappy I become. The more I think I need, the more lack I feel. The more I need things to be a certain way the more discontented I become. So lately I've been practicing letting go of the things I used to think I need to be happy. I don't need a lot of friends, I don't need to have a career people respect, I don't need to have a nice house, a nice car, or nice clothes. I don't need to be pretty, I don't need to be liked or charismatic, I don't need to have well behaved children, I don't need a perfect spouse. 

I need to feel like I'm doing my best, I need time to create, to contribute, to imagine, to appreciate people, beauty and nature, I need time just to be. The most beautiful thing about this? All I need to achieve it is just resist the distracting false paths to happiness and that's all I'm left with. All that time I spent chasing happiness I was already happy and I never knew it.

Neptune's Garden Encased Flower Garden Bead

I absolutely love this bead, probably because of the color. I don't feel like people have to chose ONE color to be their favorite, especially if you are an artist. However my desk, my favorite shirt, my jacket, my laundry room, and even my car happen to be this color. :)  You can find this bead here.

"Worry Stone" Series Beads

A while ago I was making a bead and had a beautiful aqua base covered in dichroic glass ready to become an encased flower garden bead. Before I could add leaves and vines, the bead release broke. So I stuck the mandrel in a jar and tried again with a new one. Later when I was removing the failed  bead from the mandrel I noticed how pretty it was. It was a freeform shape because I had just finished the stage where I pressed the dichroic glass into the base bead and had not shaped it when it broke. The bead was so pretty that I put a silver core in it and kept it for myself. It became one of the beads I always reached for first when I redid my trollbeads bracelet.

And so that bead inspired my "Worry Stone" series. To these I added a second layer of dichroic glass, some encasing and a touch of enamel flecks on the surface to give the beads a stone like look. They are then shaped to be mostly round but slightly freeformed like worry stones.

The latest version of my "Worry Stone" beads is the color change version. These beads are made half one color and half another, so that the color changes as the bead turns on the bracelet. Using these in your bracelet designs will result in a bracelet that is never quite the same each time you glance at it.

Here are three photos of the same bead.

Learning to Live With Chaos

After I became a mom I became really interested in time management techniques out of necessity or maybe desperation. One tip I have heard over and over again is to not let the so called "urgent" things take up all your time so that you never get to what's really important. My son means everything to me and I realize that in order to be a happy person and therefore a good mom I need time for my art.  I was very lucky to be able to hire my parents to babysit so I could make beads since there is no multitasking when it comes to melting glass.

However, a massive chunk of my business and work time is spent on selling, shipping, photographing and all of that has to happen while I'm also watching my son. It's incredibly overwhelming and completely crazy making at times. I've learned to accept the fact that I can be a good mom and a good business owner only if I'm ok with being a TERRIBLE housekeeper. I actually love to clean and organize and I love living in a clean organized space. Tidying up my house seems like it needs to be an URGENT task when I'm overwhelmed but if I focused on it all the time I would never sell any beads. Then of course I would have to stop making them because I wouldn't be able to pay my parents for watching my kid while I make them.

So sometimes I have to just let my dishes pile up in the sink so that I can get my packages shipped with eBay's required shipping time. Sometimes when the art supplies strewn all over the table have already failed to entertain, I have to haul out a box of legos and helplessly watch them get spread out all over the floor to keep my three year old entertained while I answer messages.

Shortly after my son was born I got into paring down my possessions and the whole concept of minimalism and minimalist living fascinated me. I pared down my stuff a lot and though it helped somewhat it didn't keep dirty dishes from piling up in the sink.

Last year I got obsessed with The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. In the book the author says to focus on the things you really love and want to keep and to get rid of everything that does not "spark joy." I got rid of a TON of stuff, in fact it took over three trips to Goodwill with my car packed to get rid of it all. I don't miss any of it and I also learned how to fold and put away clothes without having my dresser be in the same chaotic state within a week. Though I would still really recommend the book I now realize that my obsession with it was due to the fact that I bought into a unrealistic fantasy.

Author Marie Kondo does not run a business from within her home that is currently undergoing renovations. She doesn't live with a pack rat husband and doesn't have a bratty toddler with daily irresistible impulses to the throw the few possessions that "spark joy" for her across the room. My expecting the same kind of perfect home that she so eloquently describes in her book was the same as when I was a little girl and wished I had the same natural blonde hair and proportions as my Barbie doll. My reality is slightly different.

My reality is accepting the possibility of experiencing the excruciating pain of stepping on a lego on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. My reality is having the beautiful things that "spark joy" occasionaly broken or having to pack them away in boxes unused and unloved until the day comes that my kids no longer need to hold my hand, snuggle multiple times a day and are also finally old enough to not break my crap.

Instead of wishing for that day to come sooner I choose to accept my beautiful chaotic mess of a life. I still get overwhelmed. Everyday I get overwhelmed. But I'm learning to take a deep breath and just let the mess and the chaos and all the urgent undone things be.

New Seascape Necklaces

 I've been so busy trying to keep my shop stocked with charm beads for months and haven't had a chance to make necklaces until now. I love making the beads for these because they are bigger and allow for more complicated designs. These beads are made by essentially painting in glass. I start with a white background like an artist starts with a blank canvas and add all the colors in layers. Of course unlike with a painting I have the benefit of being able to heat up my whole "painting" and manipulate the glass to get more flow or move around an area if I want to.

                                                    Moonlit Seas Bead in the making.

 After I'm happy with my seascape "painting" I shape the bead, and add the moon detail.

Both of these piece are currently available here on eBay.

If you are a glass beadmaker I do have tutorial available on my seascape beads here.

Growing Up in a "Disadvantaged" Area

It's funny to think that I spend all most of my time making art and pretty things because I was raised to be VERY practical. My parents did not introduce me to art or teach me to appreciate beautiful things but they did make sure to teach me the value of hard work. My mother never wore jewelry, makeup or nice clothes. I grew up in a single wide trailer but there was never any feeling of shame or lack about that fact. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I learned that rural Maine and our home in particular were something many people would look down upon.

I'm very thankful for the people who did introduce me to art. My elementary school started an art program when I was about halfway through and the teacher we got was wonderful. I was lucky enough to take private sewing lesson from someone who creates the most artistic quilts I've ever seen and does other amazingly original fiber art projects. I then went on to high school where I had another excellent art teacher and was lucky enough to have art class everyday all four years of high school.

That said I don't regret that I wasn't raised in a city with lots of art museums and culture, or that my parents weren't highly cultured people or even artists themselves. They encouraged me and helped me to pursue my interests even if they knew nothing about them. Anything more than that would have been unnecessary.

My rural, practical upbringing was an amazing gift and though most would look at Washington County Maine and see a depressing place lacking in opportunities, I realize that it was the very thing that gave me such a valuable and unique opportunity.

How exactly? If my parents had had a perfect beautiful home they never would have let me set up a torch and kiln and melt glass in it as a teenager. Keep in mind I had taken no classes, watched no youtube videos on the subject because we had dial up internet at the time and I had no idea what I was doing. My closest previous experience was probably with 4th of July sparklers. Dad was willing to risk his old workshop/shed that he and mom built out of logs however.

If my parents had had high hopes for their honor roll student going to an ivy league college they never would have let me live with them while I figured out how and if I could make a glass bead/jewelry business grow straight out of highschool.

If as a teenager I had had activities and parties and a fantastic social life I never would have had the time to devote to learning lampwork.

And of course there are many more reasons just like this.

Today I don't live in a fancy home and I have to drive a long time just get groceries or go to the doctor. I don't own nice clothes not because I don't like them but because I work from home. Even when I do go out in public, everyone else is dressed in jeans and flannel for the most part anyway.

But in return for those small sacrifices I have a job not only doing what I love, but the very job that I dreamed of doing from the time I was a teenager. I live debt free in a half renovated 1860's farm house with unlevel floors so I can be sure to continue to do what I love. And I live in what I believe is one of the most beautiful places in the world so I am never lacking for inspiration.